Before He Cheats -- Carrie Underwood

"Before He Cheats," by Carrie Underwood

Released: 2006

Song sentiment: Because my boyfriend may be flirting with a woman at a bar, I destroyed his car.

Original lyrics in blue
Analyzed lyrics in black

VERSE 1

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp, and she's probably getting frisky. Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink 'cause she can't shoot whiskey. Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool stick, showing her how to shoot a combo. And he don't know ...

At this moment, it is probable that these three events are transpiring simultaneously at a nearby bar: (1) My boyfriend has his arms around a promiscuous woman with chemically treated, bright-yellow follicles, and they are swaying to and fro as a down-tempo song plays; she may be making a sexual advance toward him. (2) He is purchasing for her a cocktail sweetened with fleshy plant parts because she doesn't care for the taste and strength of straight hard liquor. (3) He is teaching her a billiard trick. All the while, he is unaware ...

CHORUS

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up 4-wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seat. I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Using the sharp edge of a small metal stick that unlocks a door, I left unsightly scrapes in the paint of my boyfriend's automobile, which he upgraded with features that don't come standard; the vehicle has good control on the road due to all four wheels receiving torque from the engine concurrently. I also scraped "Carrie Underwood" into the cowhide interior. Wielding a baseball bat, I smashed both of the front-facing glass coverings and bulbs that illuminate the road at night. And with sharp object in hand, I cut slits in the rubber air-filled circles around the wheels. It's possible that if he engages in infidelity in the future, he will use his cognitive abilities prior to his indiscretion.

VERSE 2

Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke. Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk," and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky. Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom Polo. Oh and he don't know ...

At this moment, it is probable that these three events are transpiring simultaneously at a nearby bar: (1) The aforementioned falsely blond lady is enjoying karaoke and has selected a country song made famous by renowned Canadian crooner Shania Twain, but her rendition unfortunately lacks the sophistication of the original. (2) The blond woman is declaring that she has consumed too much alcohol, leading my boyfriend to believe he has a better chance of being intimate with her this evening. (3) My boyfriend is applying cologne in the restroom. All the while, he is unaware ...

(CHORUS)

BRIDGE

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl, 'cause the next time that he cheats, oh, you know it won't be on me! No, not on me.

My actions may have made life easier for the woman my boyfriend courts after me because when he is inevitably unfaithful to her, I will not be in a relationship with him, and consequently it will not be me whose trust he is betraying. (Why this makes her life easier, I am not certain ... perhaps simply because she needn't bother re-vandalizing his automobile? Unclear.)

(CHORUS)